The Testament

Within all the vehicles in which God has chosen.
He cared for me.
To be very honest…
Sometimes surrounded by negativity, I wonder why?
The displeasures I have encountered in life…
The up’s and the downs…
Where do I find my justice?
Constant down falls of the misguided.
How do I find my religion?
Where do I begin the search for my chosen path?

I start here…
In my creative writings….
Whether it be about love or romance….Hardship or heartache…
I pray that he remakes me into the person I’m supposed to be.
At this point I consider it solely self loathing.
Frustrations atop anger, atop the depression…
I know for sure, considering death as the easy way out
It is not the choice, that I choose…

I choose life and somewhat of and immortal existence.
As hard as it gets….
Overcoming the obstacles in which I have over come.
Spreading joy, love and loss via the masses.
I understand where my place is.
Speaking to the people of life’s transgressions….
Whether it be struggle and turmoil…
Erotic lust and love.…
It’s inevitable he has a purpose for me.

At my grandmothers funeral.
The preacher insisted on the subject….
What have you done in between your dash?
The time span from where your life first began, up until the day you die.
I haven’t done much for others….
But I’ve done more for myself than any man could do….
I don’t want for much… I’m not gluten…
But I have been sinful in being selfish…
Creating a brick wall in between the blessings…
Shattering dreams, hopes and expectations…


I write this affirmation….
Because physically I feel done and somewhat ignored.
Emotionally….
I fell dragged by the tailwind of uncertainty.
What’s gonna happen next?
As if Jesus hasn’t heard my cry for help.
I need you!
I believe, I believe, I believe…
There’s better in the world for me.
I try to stand up and trust that everything will be alright.
Yet to be struck down, once again with a seemingly fatal blow.
In all, this continues to be an inner struggle…
Until my day has come to leave this earth in passing.
I pray for inner peace, away from the daily stress of life.
This is a new beginning.
A new chapter in the book of Dubscience.

No more wondering….
No more searching….
Just the testament of a heart in need of healing.
A body in need of rest…
And the importance of what I’ve done in between my dash…